How To Homeschool A Child Who Doesn't Want To Learn

Posted on Feb 22, 2022 |

Hey, homeschoolers! The most popular question I have gotten when I encourage parents to consider homeschooling is this: How can I homeschool if my child won't heed to me? If you're already homeschooling, you may have this question with a twist. How can I Continue homeschooling if my kid won't mind to me? I want to respond to this question with a true answer that tin be life changing.

Simply kickoff, I would dear to take you bring together me at Great Homeschool Conventions this year. I will be leading a Boundary Bootcamp for parents that you won't desire to miss. I'll exist in Greenville, SC and St. Charles, Missouri in March, Cincinnati in April, Ontario, California in June, and Round Rock, Texas in July. I hope y'all'll cease by the Grammar Milky way Books booth to say hello. I love talking with you in person.

Why solving the problem of a child who won't heed to you is so of import

But at present I want to answer the question of homeschooling a child who won't listen to you. There is a expert reason to ask this question. If your kid won't pay attention to you when you're speaking, how can yous teach? How volition your child acquire if she can't hear you reading or explaining how to exercise long division? If he walks out of the room or puts headphones on or just disconnects, how will he get an education? It's frustrating and frightening to say the least.

Refusing to listen is a problem, but the question speaks to a broader issue of disrespect and disobedience. If your kid won't answer yous respectfully or complete work when instructed to, all your beautiful homeschool plans are for zero. What if your child simply doesn't want to learn? Doesn't even care? Is at that place actually anything you tin can do?

It's the same problem many classroom teachers take. They have some undisciplined students who won't stop talking and will non follow instructions. Other students tin can't hear and course is constantly being interrupted by unruly students. Classroom teachers take limited options for disciplining such students. They can be sent to the principal's office or the whole class can get out the room while the problem child attacks the classroom like a Tasmanian devil. I wish this was a hypothetical situation, merely unfortunately, it is non.

A child who won't listen isn't simply a problem in the homeschool or traditional classroom, though. This kid can wreak havoc on your matrimony, your other children, and your home. In the process, a child who won't listen can steal your joy and your sanity.

If your child is young, you may exist hoping she'll grow out of it. Unfortunately, she'south more likely to grow into it. She'll realize that she can do any she wants considering y'all both know there's nothing you tin can do virtually information technology. She'll steal your car, drain your bank business relationship, and run off with a vehement guy. Over again, non hypothetical.

Now that I've terrified you, my point is this: Whether you choose to homeschool or not, a kid who won't listen is a serious trouble. We have to respond to it in the same way nosotros would to a diagnosis that threatens our child'due south life. Because a disobedient child isn't likely to live long. Hither is what the Bible has to say:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Laurels your begetter and mother" (this is the kickoff commandment with a promise), "that information technology may get well with you and that you may live long in the land." Ephesians 6:1-3.

The middle that mocks a father and scorns to obey a female parent will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. Proverbs thirty:17

That gross prototype tells united states that disobedience naturally leads to a shorter life. If we were told that our kid had a medical condition that could lead to an early on death unless we got the medication, the treatment, or the surgery, we would exercise information technology. But when it comes to a child not listening, nosotros aren't necessarily ready to have activeness. Why?

Why are we reluctant to take activeness when our child doesn't listen to us?

The commencement reason is we think it'due south natural for children to be disobedient, and we're right. It is natural! It's human being to insubordinate, to disobey, to refuse to listen. Read about the Israelites in the Bible and you lot'll see instance later on instance of defiance.

Simply it'southward natural for weeds to grow in the garden too, and we don't say to ourselves, "Oh, my plants will grow tall enough to overcome the weeds. No worries." Natural behavior that is sinful needs to be rooted out before it weakens our young plants.

Merely our response to disobedience has to be measured according to our child's age. To use a gardening analogy again, I wouldn't apace rip out a big weed growing adjacent to a new sprout. I would have to exist gentle. When a toddler tries to hitting me when I ask him to terminate doing something, I don't slap him. I take hold of the mitt in mid-air and say no very firmly. "You don't hit mommy," and I permit my face communicate that I am serious near information technology.

While it's natural for children not to listen, our response has to be to train them to obey–non ignoring it and hoping they modify.

The 2nd reason we don't have activity when our child doesn't listen is we don't believe we deserve respect. When I had my first baby, I was horrified that they were sending him home with me. I had no idea what I was doing, but they were going to trust me with this tiny fauna? Yet they did, and I learned how to parent.

But every bit with anything learned, I made mistakes. Not but did I make mistakes in my parenting, simply I made mistakes in my union, and my life. My kids didn't know almost many of those mistakes, just I did. I knew the things I'd said to my husband in anger. I knew that I put off church work that I'd committed to. I knew I wasn't making good food choices.

So when information technology came time to ask my children to listen to me, to obey me, there was a part of me that idea, "Why should they? What a hypocrite!" But that's non how parenting works. When a police officer pulls me over for speeding, practise I ask, "Well, accept you ever been speeding? If you have, I don't have to requite y'all my driver's license then, do I?" I could follow that up by cranking up the music and driving away. Ridiculous, right? Yet this is how some of us remember of ourselves equally parents–simply able to ask a child to listen if we are perfect.

Nosotros can await respect and obedience because of our part. We are in authority in our children's lives in God'due south place. When we brand mistakes, information technology is God'south task to right us–non our children'southward. Our authority is not dependent on our perfection. If it were, the family structure would autumn apart. If our children do not learn to respect our imperfect authority, how will they ever arrive in a world full of fifty-fifty more imperfect authorities?

A 3rd reason we don't have activity when our child doesn't mind is we don't believe we take whatsoever power in the state of affairs. Almost frequently this comes from our own early experience of feeling powerless. You might have had a domineering or even an abusive parent. You might have been the victim of bullying or assault. Yous might even have continued to develop relationships with people who push you around. Or maybe it'due south none of this and you lot merely have a personality that hates conflict.

Regardless of the reason, know that you Practise accept the power to act if your kid disrespects or disobeys y'all. If your kid is small-scale enough, y'all tin can physically remove or restrain your child. You can deny privileges. You can require restitution like doing extra chores, fifty-fifty if you have to get your spouse to back you up.

We must train our children to listen to us even though not listening is natural, even though we're imperfect, and even though we feel powerless. This training is more than of import than anything bookish. A brilliant, disrespectful child does not have a bright future and will make united states miserable.

So how exercise we train our child to listen to united states of america?

Showtime, make it articulate to your kid that the boldness of not listening will non be tolerated. Label the behavior as boldness and be firm well-nigh it. "That was disrespectful." Inquire your child to give a respectful response instead. If your child puts ear buds in when you lot say it'due south fourth dimension for math, say, "That was disrespectful. Give me the ear buds. I'grand going to say that it'due south time for math once again. This fourth dimension, I want yous to say, "Yeah, Mom." When your child does every bit you say, y'all should give praise like, "I appreciate your cooperation. Cheers."

Teach your child to employ the wise appeal. This approach is explained in the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You lot and Your Kids, by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. In the wise appeal, your kid makes it clear that she is ready to obey merely politely asks for a modification of your request. So y'all say, "It'southward time for math" and your child says, "No! I'yard going to read instead." At the first of preparation, you would remind her that she's existence disrespectful and should use the wise appeal. In this example, her response would be, "I know yous want me to do math now, only I'm in the eye of this chapter. Would information technology exist okay if I finished the affiliate first?" When your child uses the wise entreatment, you lot besides give praise like, "Thanks for agreeing to go your math done subsequently you read. Aye, you may cease the chapter."

Give a outcome for continued disrespect or disobedience. I always had a hard fourth dimension coming up with a good event. Some things that have worked for me are fines, deprival of the adjacent request, and making it up to me. I had an app that tracked my kids' money earned from allowance and gifts. I could deduct an amount from their account as they watched and ooh did information technology hurt. My kids still like money! We had a fun outing planned after my teen was disrespectful to me. He wasn't immune to go. You can extend this appoach by doing what Kevin Leman recommends in his book Accept a New Child by Friday. When your child doesn't listen, the answer to their next asking is no. No, y'all may not take candy, stay up belatedly, or get over to a friend'south. When your child asks why, remind them of the disobedience. Stand firm even if the child does what was asked. Give thanks them for obeying, merely make it clear that at that place are always consequences for not listening. Another event I used is "making it up to me." I added this to telling my child that I was going to pray about a consequence for not their behavior, maybe discuss it with their father, but I assured them they wouldn't like information technology. Their anxiety about the outcome was a punishment in itself. Making information technology upwards to me usually meant doing some of my piece of work that I couldn't do because I was dealing with their disobedience.

We want to give consequences without losing our temper. Anger tells our child that we experience out of control–the opposite of what we want to communicate. We keep our children'due south respect by being business firm and calm. If that's a struggle for you, check out the Anger Antitoxin course at FunToLearnBooks.com.

Conclusion

One thing I desire to make articulate is that none of these consequences will instantly and for all fourth dimension turn your child into an obedient little cherub. Simply with fourth dimension, this training volition have an impact. Most importantly, your commitment to preparation your child to listen volition communicate more than loudly than any words that y'all love your child. I remember watching an episode of Supernanny with my son. His optics got big every bit he watched a young kid scream and call his mom a witch with a b. I told my son that this is what he could be like if I hadn't disciplined. Training our kids to mind ensures that our grandchildren grow up feeling loved, too.

Whether you lot choose to homeschool or not, my prayer is that you will have upwards this training. Pray for the Lord's help and meditate on Scriptures concerning child bailiwick.

Have a happy homeschool week!

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